Tuesday, March 25, 2014

things we need less of.

I spend a lot of time browsing the internet. WHAT. Totally surprising, I know. Next thing you know I'm going to be admitting that I like cats or that I'm getting married.

So throughout my browsing, I see a ton, more like a SHIT ton of tutorials and recipes. And some of them are incredibly helpful. Such as the one that taught me how to easily remove labels from glass bottles. Or the one that taught me how to make tissue tassel garland (helpful, although not easy).

And then some of these tutorials and recipes can best be described as...remedial. FOR INSTANCE, I present to you tutorials and recipes that we need less of.

  • TOAST, four ways!
  • A different take on the braid (you can show me 27 different french braid tutorials and I still won't be able to do it).
  • THE BEST, no really the best ever best mac n' cheese.
  • How to stock a bar/coffee cart! <- but what even are these and is it really that hard?
  • Buns, buns, and more buns.
  • The ONLY smoothie recipe you need! Then why are there 3,001 of them on pinterest? Guys, smoothies: a green, some fruit, liquid base, and whatever seeds or powders you wish to add. It is not a science.
  • Cauliflower pizza crust. More like cauliflower not even a little bit like fucking pizza crust so no.
  • Painting or glittering bottles, jars, and/or terracota pots. APPLY PAINT TO VESSEL. BOOM. 

Truth be told, the toast was what sent me over the edge and inspired this post. It is fucking bread. That you put in a machine. And put a variety of other tasty things on top of. Again not deserving of its own masters program.

Basically, I spend too much time online. What tutorials and recipes have you had enough of? 

Thursday, February 27, 2014

obsession confessions.

Hi, hi, HI THERE. Surprised? Me too. I have good news and bad news. So much bad news, I know, I know. But listen, the bad news is that Justin is working mega-overtime on weeknights and I am considering myself a temporary gaming industry widow. The good news is that I have a lot of time on my hands to do things other than stare at him...like write an actual blog post! Yes, I just told you that you are my second choice. SURPRISED AGAIN?

Beyond the fiance's OT, my own job has been NUTS lately so we are both dealing with a lot of stress. And also still this:

That THING is adapting to a new vet-recommended diet and also dealing with the loss of her precious Justin time. Last night as all three of us laid in bed (yes all three of us, she just really misses her Justin...), I was crying like a pms-d out moron and jmeoww was trying to bite Justin's feet and hissing at him and then I just started laughing maniacally. WE ARE ALL SLOWLY LOSING OUR MINDS.

So basically, to remind myself that life is generally fantastic and that there are things that I love and worth not running away for, I decided to just splooge them all over this here blog.


  1. True Detective — aka the new thing to always be talking about. Guys, it is everything the world says it is. Those men are incredible. Two more episodes to go and I might actually really have a panic attack during them. SO GOOD.
  2. Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey — It's no secret that I am a science loving geekface and the reboot of Cosmos (March 9th!!!!!!!) is just absolutely everything to me, and also Justin. His deep love for King Carl Sagan has reached my heart as well and we are going to geek out so incredibly hard for this. And NdGT is just the absolute best person alive for this show. That's his official nickname.
  3. Beck — Is that Beck on my blog? Dear god, it is. It really is. This is what happens when I accidentally look at Pitchfork every once and a while. But really, this album is quite wonderful. I've never been a Beck fan, but I am totally into this. Hear for yourself!

  4. Brown Rice Triscuits — And then I also blogged about triscuits. THESE ARE LIFE CHANGING. They are all I want to eat. The sea salt and black pepper variety. With cheese. Do it. 
  5. Clarisonic Mia2 — also life changing. I am finally paying attention to skin that I should've been caring for since basically forever. And thanks to some Christmas gift cards, this little treasure has entered my life. I've only been using it for a week or so, but I love it. And yes, I am aware of what it looks like...
  6. Trader Joe's Lavender Lotion — Fact: I am obsessed with lavender lotion. I always use it at night. So when my last bottle (from the lavender farm an hour away) ran out, I panicked because I knew I would never find anything as lovely again. Enter Trader Joe's and this $5ish bottle. So lovely. So cost-effective. 
Remember that time I included triscuits in a collage? It is truly the little things, my friends. The little things that keep us sane and happy. What are your current obsessions? (non-creepy only, please. I'm looking at you, Higgins...)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

the jmeoww diaries: V.13

As I sit here typing, the subject of this blog post is howling, howling for attention. She already took a swipe at my arm and I am losing blood as we speak. Hopefully we get through this post before I pass out...

At the beginning of the month I got the dreaded email reminder that it was time for her annual check-up and her flea medicine injection. The vet also sends a ton of specials and coupons and I always check the fine print to see if it says excludes jmeoww gee. We made the appointment and I left the game plan up to Justin, because when it comes to my baby meow I let her run my life, obviously. 

We made the decision to skip the sedatives completely. Because the act of attempting to give them to her stresses all of us out so entirely much that we all nearly break-up with each other. When it was GO TIME, he went on the patio to our storage closet and as soon as he touched the carrier and it made the faintest sound her tailed puffed up and she started distress howling. Because clearly we were going to kill her. I very carefully picked her up by the scruff of the neck and shoved her fatass into the carrier, and off they went. I remained home because my stress feeds her stress and I was already in tears by the time they were out the door. 

I sat with my phone in my lap just in case Justin sent a distress signal. I listened for ambulances in the distance. But 45-minutes later they walked through the door (and I had the bath ready for her because she is traditionally a peepants at the vet). Beyond some minute meow poops in the carrier, she was fine! Tweaked, but fine! I picked her up making sure to avoid the ass region and dropped her in the bath and she just sat there, totally defeated. After some drying by me, I let her go so she could hide and completely reclean herself.

And then the most amazing thing happened. Rather than hide for hours and days, she came back out 30 minutes later and was all WHAT'S UP FUCKERS and laid her still wet self in the middle of our bed. Thanks. We were shocked and also overjoyed because she really has made huge strides and is so much less of a complete derelict than she used to be! SHE IS ALMOST NORMAL. All of Justin's cat whispering is clearly paying off.

That afternoon I required a serious adult nap, which always happens on the couch because hello couch naps are the best. And then the second miracle of our lives happened. Please refer to the photo below and pay no attention to my meaty arm.

You may wonder why you ALWAYS see that blanket. Well, I got it when she was a wee meow and she requires it for mom time. She will literally only have mom time if the blanket is in position.
THREE HOURS YOU GUYS. For three hours she slept on me like that. Maybe I also slept for three hours but that is not the point. And during Superbowl? MORE NAPTIMES ON MOM. I was dying, DYING and in cuddly cat heaven because as you know cuddle time is always intense and never lasts more than 3.5 minutes. I refused to wake her or even move. The only time she would get up was when Justin went into the kitchen because maybe he was getting her cheese or treats or even some toys probably all for her. 

That night she also went on a date, which is probably why she was so tired Sunday. A DATE? Yes, she has a suitor. A HUGE fluffy guy that has been hanging out on the lower patio caterwauling to her. She kept running in and out screeching like a crazy girl on a blind date, which I made a narrative for naturally. They haven't had another date since but I think that her desperation to go out on the patio comes from her deep love for him. Which means we constantly have to sweep up the flower petals that are falling on the patio so she doesn't eat them and vom in my toms again (in other news the flower petal barfing has happened more than once...).

It never ends, the drama. But those two precious days of cuddles made it all worth it. And I do believe my arm needs some neosporin. Until next time, loyal meow fans!

Friday, January 31, 2014

check, check...one-two...CHECK.

HI YOU GUYS! Remember last time I blogged about being on the verge of a mild mental breakdown? I wish I was here to tell you that things have gotten better but in fact they have just gotten weirder. Nothing bad, nothing bad at all. Just things like having feminine flow problems for two weeks straight coupled with the digestive issues that come along with it. Periods AND farting? You've come to the right place, ladies.

And then one time at the gym I took a medicine ball right to the face and busted my lip open (because the trainer was far too busy calling me a giraffe to actually catch the ball like he was supposed to as it was bouncing back up into my face). I didn't cry at the gym because, hello gym patrons. But as soon as I walked through the apartment door and Justin asked how the gym was I started bawling and cried, "I GOT HURT" like a proper two-year old child that couldn't really form sentences. And then jmeoww licked the ice-pack as it was on my face and I just could not even fathom what was going on in my life at that moment.

I haven't felt like myself and I need myself back so I can start kicking ass again. I promise that I won't continue to use this space as a whine-fest however it is my blog and I do what I want for reasons unknown to any of us. I mean really, the point of this post was to tell you that jmeoww licked an icepack that was on my face.

In other, more HAPPY news, I am super excited to announce that I have been chosen as a Real Bride Contributor for Broke Ass Bride. So if I'm not posting here, you can find me there talking all things wedding and being budget savvy. And if I'm not posting there, then someone should probably alert the authorities.

And that basically wraps up yet another non-post post from yours truly. Maybe possibly next week we will have a vet-trip recap for you. If any of us make it out alive...

Friday, January 17, 2014

stuff and things.

You guys, I stressed myself out so bad earlier this week that I have been exhausted ever since.


I know, I know.

Last week I spent my time OB. SESS. ING. over finding the perfect planner. Like, the perfect planner. With enough pages for my random notes and a folder to keep all of my miscellaneous wedding papers in order. Little did I know that there are 900 million options out there and not one of them worked for me so I took my ass to staples and built my own. A DIY planner, if you will. It's not pretty, so you don't get a picture. It is literally a binder to which I added dividers (with folders to shove all the miscellany in) and then printed my google calendar and a variety of organizing resources that I found online fo' free.

And then I haven't used it since. But I instantly felt better.

THE POINT? you ask. The point is that I am walking a very, very fine line right now between having my shit together and reverting to 2009 Tiffany that suffered from stress-related stomach pains convincing her that she had an ulcer and that she was going to die (not to be confused with 2010 Tiffany that had phantom loin pain and convinced herself that she had kidney cancer and that she was going to die). Obsessing over minor things like THE PERFECT PLANNER is totally a sign that I am nearly crossing that line between normal and insane Tiffany that needs to DO ALL THE THINGS even if it kills her and yes I need to look at the Cartwheel App RIGHT NOW because how else will I know if I can get a deal on cat litter at Target?

And then the crying into the Coors Light bottle on a Tuesday night signals to everyone that, WHOA. Tiffany needs a time out so please put your electronics down right now and don't even worry your tiny little head about anything other than wedding planning and The Walking Dead and whether or not Carl really is the psychopathic child delinquent that you are predicting he will become.

Basically, this is my excuse for being absent once again from this blog. And basically this is my announcement that I cannot be depended on for anything other than my great theories about The Walking Dead and also wedding planning. Even though I printed blog planning sheets for my perfect planner. Maybe once I relax and drink more Coors Light I will actually use them and plan some actual blog action.

But until then, stay classy and sane my friends.

(although, ps - we have a vet trip coming up next weekend so you know, blog content for years...)
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